I know of a world where food is rationed; where a week old pot of soup is warmed twice a day to keep it from decay; where eggs are always fresh and precious except they start to stink. Yes, it is the same place where clean water is luxury and every drop of soda is savored like it’s a health drink. The same water, when it runs clean from an old rusty faucet makes you feel like it is a Christmas morning. Yes… when it runs, you hold your breath, send a prayer up and count the seconds… earnestly hoping the water runs for longer than an hour. And… when it does stop, you survey your treasure of filled plastic bowls, earthen pots, buckets and silos with a sense of accomplishment. The joy lasts as you skip through your day really grateful you’ve been saved another arduous trip to a stream or the nearest ‘general’ pump.

But here, I live in a world where I constantly ‘forget’ to turn the faucet off while I brush my teeth. Where water-parks during summer is a right; where the cost of a 16ounce bottle of water would feed a family of 6 for a whole week, just across the Atlantic.I come from a world where dogs are not more important than men. Now, I live in a world where people would say hello to your dog before considering the wisdom of saying ‘Hi’ to you. It seems that in certain circles, having one is a status symbol or a ticket for acceptance.

***“Utako Village”*** *© 2005 Udeaku Chikezie*

In a memory, I have experienced the confusion of a 5 year old who through an older brother’s divine and timely appearance was saved from being sexually abused by her father’s trusted driver. The confusion of not quite getting what ‘Uncle C’ was about to show me when he started fiddling with his zipper. In not talking about it until I was thirty, I realized I had unknowingly or sub-consciously given him a free pass because my culture allowed for men and elders to be …hardly ever wrong. “Besides," I hear in a whisper, "he actually didn’t GET to do it...” Yes, but I have often wondered about the other fragile little girls who were not so lucky.Well, in this part of the world I learned a bit late that had he (the driver) been caught, he would have suffered the fate of a pedophile. (Let’s not even imagine what my father would have done had I talked about it). Although it is too late now, it is still a totally heartwarming knowledge, I must say. But not as heartwarming as the imaginations I have of trying out a few Krav Maga self-defense skills on him.

In another memory… I have enjoyed the independence of boarding school from 12 years of age to 17. But I also abhorred the constant fear and reality of being accosted by the ‘Seniors’ or Prefects who were hell bent on punishing me for daring to look them in eyes. Oh! They had a free pass because, they make up a good part of the village that raised me. It was okay in that time and it was the ‘normal’ thing. A precedence of bullying in boarding schools had been set for years and no one dared question it, not even the most ‘powerful’ of parents.On the contrary, here in this other world, it seems like the ‘natural’ parental instincts have been eradicated or exchanged for a text-book version of how to do it. The ‘Child Whisperers’ are so many and have a level of stardom. Wisdom is now subject to a collective “higher” interpretation by the clueless few. Any attempt at common-sense is definitely an exhibition of the archaic (No wonder we all turned out wrong!). Though surrounded by many “wonderful” options, the confusion of right versus wrong has increased and I quietly moan the helplessness of parents who in a way have lost their right to choose how to raise their children. Many times I have silently sworn off having children of my own, just so no one gets to tell me how I MUST do it.In another life, just across the Atlantic, I have had a boardroom of executives hang on my every word, even when I didn’t make sense. More often than not I paid a cleaning lady to quite simply, fix my mess. I have enjoyed the services of my hairstylist, at 6am, in my home and at my convenience. Yeah…a bit of a charmed life? Possibly… Don’t worry… that’s just a distant memory now, because right now, I have to chase down THE hairstylist, beg her to fit me into her schedule, get her to do whatever my meager budget permits and best of all beg for forgiveness because I don’t have sufficient tip. Furthermore, now I am THE cleaning lady! I have sometimes on this side of the globe revised my resume a few times to include, babysitter, janitor, nanny, you name it. I have worked extremely hard to not be ‘over qualified’ for a job I desperately need for my existence. I joke about it but honestly, I have as a matter of survival done more dishes for other people than I did my entire first 30 years.It seemed like I had to start life afresh and whatever I had achieved was wasted.

***"Glitter & Plenty"*** *© 2013 Udeaku Chikezie*

Many times it felt like I was living in the shadows. I learned how to ward off depression while deliberately omitting to tell my mother back home what I did for a living. Oh, no! You definitely don’t want to hear the words… “You were not raised to do that…this would bring shame to the family… Is this why we invested so much in you?” I found myself sometimes forgetting where I came from, living like life and all its imperfect moments is not a treasure.In some of those scenarios, was I spoilt? Sometimes, maybe… just a little. Other times I was the one who called out the brats. BUT, I did learn. I grew up in my way of thinking. I learned to really appreciate where I came from, where I am now and excitedly anticipate where I would be going next. I learnt to open my mind to embrace more culture shock, therefore garner more education. There is only so much movies and books can teach you. Nothing beats ‘living’ the life you may or may not want, particularly when it is forced on you. The issue here is that the culture on both sides was and still is different. Contrary to some of the imaginations I earlier had or what is often portrayed by the media, it is hardly ever black and white… Rights and privileges differ from coast to coast. In other words, what is a right here sometimes is a privilege somewhere else, and vice versa. What is acceptable here is unacceptable there. Honorable here, dishonorable there. Taboo there, welcome tradition here. My right or my privilege should never be a yardstick for judging someone else, except I have lived their life and heartily drank their unfiltered water. People as a matter of necessity have learned to draw their own silver lining on their own dark cloud because no one else would do that for them… nope. And it is not necessarily a coping mechanism or living in denial. It is not always bondage or ignorance either. It is just simply, life.

***"Sail Away"*** *© 2013 Udeaku Chikezie*

I must confess that the greatest lessons I was taught were the ones I was most reluctant to acquire. But they are the ones that count in both worlds and in every other tiny corner of the globe where I will find myself in the future. As intangible or subtle as they are, they are the nuggets of wisdom that I would pass on as many times as I can. For now, I will share just a few: I learned that privileges should never be abused. When abused, they become closed doors…yes, so tightly closed that restoration could take a lifetime on your best efforts. I learned you must close your ears to sure whispers… whispers of bitterness, regret, fear, failure, anger, and ridicule. Those whispers maim, incapacitate, and destroy. They are tenacious when they get a grip on you. Freedom from them would be an arduous struggle and time-consuming. I learned to lean towards a different batch of whispers. Whispers of Purity, Wholesomeness, Love, Mercy, Grace, Truth and Peace.

I am still learning. I struggle often, but I try to remind myself of the deadly cost of swinging the other way. My recent favorite quote is in Philippians 4:8-9“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”If I have children, I will tell them to,“Travel, Savor the moment, Go out, Live fearlessly, document your journey, if possible explore and understand as many cultures as you can. Be grateful for everything and every encounter. There is no better education, no faster way to mature. No one can take that from you. And when the time comes, whether you find yourself as an exchange student in East Asia, or in a boardroom full of executives in Switzerland, or on a cruise to the Bahamas or amongst tribesmen in a part of East Africa, you would have learned to respect and esteem people, no matter their degree, their pedigree or if you just disagree!” I will also tell anyone who cares to listen that I don’t regret knowing these two worlds. I have made some of the best friends here, some of whom are as close as my family. I will add that I am all geared up and stoked right now, and I am set to embark on another journey… just as soon as I figure out where.